"Lars and the Real Girl" - A Movie Review and Some Personal Thoughts on Dealing With Trauma

Stephen Alexander Beach

(1460 Words)

A Brief Overview

Lars and the Real Girl is a movie about a young man who is struggling with the trauma of family loss. His mother died in childbirth with him, leaving a heart broken father who checked out emotionally, and an older brother who left the house as soon as he could. We meet Lars (played by Ryan Gosling) as a young adult who is a bit off, a bit weird. He lives in a garage apartment next to his older brother and sister-in-law. Lars does not really like to socialize with people and is painfully awkward, though not necessarily a bad person by any means. He is kind to others, and is part of a local church where he is adored by the people there. It is clear though that Lars is not in a place where he can be in any type of serious relationship with others. At his work there is a lady who likes him but he rebuffs her immediately. 

Then one day his cubical coworker (somewhat of a pervert) tells him about life size female dolls which can be bought over the internet and customized, basically a silicon sex doll. For whatever reason Lars orders one of these dolls and introduces her to everyone as his girlfriend and as a real person named Bianca. He begins to come out of his shell as he brings Bianca everywhere. Lar's brother Gus, and sister in law, Karin, are worried that Lars has lost his mind and go to the local doctor for help. The psychologist says that he is suffering from a delusion and that the best way to help him is to go along with it for now. 

And so the movie plays out with his family and those in the community going along with the delusion that Bianca is a real person, and they begin to incorporate her into the community, having her model at the mall, volunteer at the hospital, go to church, etc. There is, of course, some tension along the way as this whole scenario boarders on the absurd. The psychologist, though, under the auspices that Bianca needs treatment has Lars come in every week and begins to talk to him about his issues, such as not being able to be touched by anyone without feeling physical pain. 

As Lars begins to realize how much everyone in the town cares for him by their going along with the delusion, he begins to he ascent back to reality. He supposedly asks Bianca to marry him, to which she says "no". Later, Bianca falls ill and eventually passes away. It is then that Lars begins to move on with his life and enters into real relationships with people again. 

Theme of Trauma

While this movie is quite funny as one sits in the awkwardness of scenes in which Bianca is presented as a real person to other people, there is honestly a deep meaning to this movie. In my opinion, Lars represents the part of us that is damaged at some point in our lives by traumatic events, such as losing a loved one or family member. If we don't deal with these experiences and work through the trauma that we suffer, but rather push it down and try to ignore it, like a beach ball trying to be held underwater, it will inevitably spring back up in our lives in some unhealthy way down the road. The movie, I think, represents the necessity to be willing to face and work through our trauma consciously so that we can move forward in life and learn how to enter into authentic relationships with others. 

We Must Experience Love to Love Others

Fundamentally, with Lars it seems that the role that Bianca played was one of an unconditional love. Since she was not real, she could not reject him for his shortcomings. She had to love him, so to speak. And thus, Lars is able to experience "love" without fear. At one point in the movie he takes her to a party and dances with her amongst his coworkers/friends. He begins to cry on the way home and says that he is happy. 

Secondarily, Lars is able to experience the love of his family and the town in the very roundabout way that they are willing to go along with the delusion and treat Bianca as a real person. In doing this, Lars can receive the love that they had for him but that he could not accept on normal terms. They participate in this absurd scenario because they love him and think it will ultimately help him. 

"KARIN

Lars?

LARS

What if I took off and left her

alone. What if I abandoned her. How

would she feel?

KARIN

Stop yelling, she didn't abandon

you, she'll be home at--

LARS

How do I know that? I don't know

that. You never know who's coming

back and who isn't. People do

whatever they want, they just go,

they don't care, they don't think

about how I feel! They don't care

about me!

KARIN

Now wait just a darn minute. We do

care, we all care.

LARS

No, you don't! Nobody cares about

me!

KARIN

That is not true! Every person in

this town bends over backwards to

make Bianca feel at home! Why do

you think she has so many places to

go and so much to do?

LARS

Because--because--

KARIN

Because of YOU, because all these

people love YOU.

We push her wheelchair, we drive

her to work, we drive her home, we

wash her, we dress her, we carry

her, we get her up, we put her to

bed, and she is not petite, Lars,

Bianca is a big girl! None of this

is easy for any of us, but we do

it, for YOU. So don't you dare tell

me how we don't care."

This, I think, is a fundamental truth of human nature. We must be loved by others first before we can love anyone else. In other words, we must know that we are loved as a person before we can show true love to other people. Human beings are fundamentally being in relationship, and the deepest, most human, parts of ourselves can only be called forth into existence by being in relationship. For example, it is the love of parents which is meant to call forth the human and relational part of a child. Without that fundamental affirmation that we are good, that we are loved, that we are meant to be part of a community of love, the human being flounders and grows cold. How many of people's insecurities and self loathing are due to failures in their childhood of those around them? 

When Lars finally is able to open up to his brother and ask him what it means to be a man, he brother responds ... 

"GUS

It's not like you're all one thing

or the other. There's still a kid

inside. But you grow up when you

decide to do right. Not what's

right for you, what's right for

everybody. Even when it hurts .

LARS

Like .

GUS

Well, don't jerk people around.

Don't cheat on your woman, take

care of your family. Admit when

you're wrong. Look out for poor

folks and sick folks and old folks.

Try, anyway."

The Irony of "Masking"  

One final point which struck me as very funny, but also an irony of the movie itself, is that one might look at Lars with this sex doll, Bianca, as disgusting, or dirty in some manner. Yet, he never does anything sexual with the doll. In fact, he is a very morally upright person, and is completely pure in that regard. He has Bianca stay at his brother's house "so there's no temptation." And so even though he is trying to cope with his trauma in a very public way, that might look sinful, it is actually very pure. Again, the irony is that in reality it is usually the opposite situation of this. People mask themselves so that they appear virtuous to others, so that they appear to have everything put together on the outside, so that no one notices their suffering. And yet behind closed doors they fall into debauchery of many kinds to cope with the pain. Again, this is what I think makes the movie so comical to the degree that it is light hearted and funny. 

To conclude, I personally liked this movie very much. The only objectionable scene, in my opinion, is right after the doll is delivered and Lar's brother looks up the website which Lars ordered it on. There are some other jokes and such, but visually, that's it.